Alone
by mewlingquimlover
Summary: Felicity can't look at him, Oliver, because he is the man that killed her father. Oliver doesn't know.


_"His name was Anthony Ivo." _His words linger inside my head, beat against my heart. It's twisted and sickening.

Everything else becomes a muffled echo in the background, just white noise. My eyes don't focus, these ridiculous glasses not working. The words on the screen in front of me just bleed, blend, and blur together.

The press of the leather chair against my back gives me no comfort I no longer find my favorite chair comfortable at all. Instead I can feel every stitch on it, itching and digging in my fleshly legs. Pressing into the fabric of my dress and rubbing my back raw.

I need to leave, I need to run. I can't look at him right now. Not Oliver.

My legs stiffen and my fingers grip the chair arms, I throw myself up into the air finally taking a stand. I have to exhale a breath silently and collect my thoughts. I need to put on a fake smile, think of a good lie.

But more importantly, I need to run.

I turn around and I see I was foolish to think I even needed to worry about concocting a lie. No one will even notice me slipping out. Not with Diggle already gone. Not with Sara's hand pressed into Oliver's chest and his eyes pinning her down with intensity that feels more like a slap across my face.

Not from jealousy but because of what he said. He said his name was _Anthony Ivo_. What he doesn't know, is that is my father.

Or was my father.

No one knows, I keep that information solely to myself.

* * *

><p>I can't bring myself to leave my apartment today, everything feels too heavy. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to place my feet against solid ground. I look in the mirror, my blonde hair frayed and half falling out from its former pristine ponytail.<p>

No bright lips today, no mascara, no blush just dull pink pale skin and red eyes.

I can't even look at myself anymore, I don't want too because when I do for too long I see my mother. I look just like her with no makeup to hide behind and she is long gone. She killed herself when he _Ivo_ didn't come back from his adventure to find a cure _a cure for her_. I tried to be a good girl and take care of her but apparently my good wasn't good enough.

I often wondered if he had come back, would she still be here? Would she be who I remembered, a woman lost forever in the past because somewhere along the way her wiring got crossed? Or would she be lucid and know my name if she was too look at me.

Doesn't matter, she is dead. He is dead.

And I'm here, left all alone.

...

A soft knock creeps inside my head, I'm not sure if I'm dreaming right now or not? Its volume raises, the taps become more frantic but I can't find it in me to open my eyes. I just want to fall between the cracks of the cushions on my sofa _I'm so tired .. this is comfortable... leave me alone_. Keep falling in my dream until I hit the ground.

"Felicity… " I can hear my name being called, beckoning me to rise up but I don't want too. There is nothing outside this dream that I want. I just need this, a day to finally break.

I need to fall apart.

Tomorrow I will be better. I will put myself back together and keep my little secret to myself. And maybe when I look at Oliver it will not hurt.

I don't get the chance to be left alone in peace. Thick fingers are gripping my chin and my eyes snap open in fear. The weight of his hand presses into chin and I squirm back. He lets go, his fingers moving alongside my face as he has done so many times.

Those stormy blue eyes with thick waves of green anger push me into the arm of my sofa, pinning me against it and twist my heart. It's suffocating as he moves with me, invading every inch of my personal space and I want him off.

I don't need to be protected, cuddled and not by him. I need space and time from him.

"Felicity.." He says my name like a question and I pull my head from his hand, rolling my bottom lip into my mouth and closing my eyes. He attacks me again, pulling my body against his. His rough hand holds me at the base of my back. His other threads fingers into my hair line, pushing away loose strands from my face.

"What is going on? Talk to me." He demands with soft words.

And even though he has held me before, pressed the warmth of his palm against my cheek, slid it across my arm and up the side of my neck he has never held me for this long.

To many seconds are passing by and I need to move.

"Oliver .. I can't.." I finally blurt out with a sharp tongue and he looks dejected at my words. As if I stung him like an insect over and over. I pull from his hold, stumbling off the sofa and moving away from him.

Finding safety in my little kitchen across from my living room.

It doesn't stop him though, he comes after me. His hand reaches for my arm, pressure being applied in his grip as he pulls me back against him. I crane my neck up and look him in the eyes and I can't take it anymore.

I need to breathe; maybe if I say it out loud I can breathe again?

"He was my father." I scream at him.

"Who Felicity?" And I feel as if he just punched me in the heart.

"Ivo."

I don't have time to react, I don't have time to fight him. Instead he has me flush against him, hand seated in the middle of my back and a death grip sliding up the back of my neck. His lips married into my hair, "I didn't know .. I'm sorry … I'm sorry … " He whispers on repeat and I can do nothing but cry.

I feel tremors pulling on my nerves and I shake in his hold, he squeezes tighter. His banter never stops, "I'm sorry … I'm sorry …" But I don't want pity, not from him.

My fingers move to his shoulders, I press my nails into his shirt trying to claw at his skin and he lets me for a moment. I pull back from his chest and just stare at the wet spots from my tears against his shirt.

"Felicity." He breathes out my name and I can feel his fingers seeking into my hair now, no longer holding my neck hostage. Thick long fingers knotting in my hair and pushing under the rubber band, he keeps pushing it until he rakes his digits through my ponytail and the band drops to the ground. My hair falls against my back.

I finally look back up at him and feel his hand sliding back to its normal place, against my cheek and I lean into it this time.

Maybe I'm not so alone after all?

"I remember a file with that name on it, he took it with him on the last day I saw him. The day he walked away from me and my mother. I remember him saying he loved us and he was going to cure us, fix our family. My mother was so broken." I confess to him.

He leans his forehead against mine, "I will never leave you. Let me be your new family." He tells me and I feel cheated because this is not what I am asking for but I will take it. I feel as if he is whispering confessions to me like a guilty man _guilty of the death of my father_.

But guilty about what?

"Oliver?"

His breath is warm and steady and too close to my lips. My mouth stays parted and panic runs through me. His grip tenses against me and then his lips are crushed against mine like a starved man. It's demanding as he pushes his tongue between my lips.

His lips work against mine. I tilt my head, giving into his demand, granting him even more access. He devours my lips, my tongue. He is swimming in guilt now but he isn't stopping.

And I don't want him to either. I push back against his mouth, tasting his mouth like it's desert.

He pulls back, but holds my face with both hands now. He keeps his lips near mine and I can't even look him in the face so I focus on the space between us and the floor beneath our feet.

"I thought it was better if I wasn't with someone I didn't care about as much. I was wrong. You weren't at work today, you ignored my calls. I have never felt so empty." His words touch my face, I feel the weight of the emotion behind them. I don't need to see his face for that.

"And Sara?" I ask bravely but not enough to look him in the face.

"We share nightmares. I don't want nightmares, I want dreams with you."

I finally tilt my head back up into his line of sight.

"Okay." I whisper back softly.


End file.
